Barely Passing as Normal
by elusivespycrab
Summary: Just barely revived. Soon to be more A/H. What happens when Artemis's fairy friends come over for a visit? Yes, this is the original! I am back! And not better than ever. Soon to be improved, though! AU! Screw my grammar! SO MUCH HIATUS I DON'T EVEN
1. Returning to Normal Life

**No More Fairy Business**

**Chapter 1: Returning to Normal Life**

By artemis.fowl.the.fan

**A/N: I have begun this fan fiction for ****in order to suppress my need for the 7th book in the series. Also, this will be in 1st person, from Artemis' view. It sometimes may be from the view of Holly Short or Butler. Enjoy.**

--

**Tuesday, December 14, 2011**

**Fowl Manor**

The day after the fairy presence left the Fowl Manor's boundaries, I have felt a loss of companionship. These losses include Jayjay, my briefly owned silky sifaka lemur, and Holly Short. Captain Short was, is, and probably will always be my friend. Friend, actually, would be more of an insufficient term to explain our relationship. A more appropriate word, or words for this matter, for our friendship would be… eternally connected. Well, that does and does not exactly explain our relationship. It would, because during that time jump from Hybras to Earth while bringing Hybras along with us, Holly and I accidentally switched eyeballs, so we both have blue and hazel eyes. The term doesn't explain our relationship because my other reference to our mutual experiences would results in some sort of bodily injury to me or a colorful talking to by Holly if she ever knew what I meant.

Anyway, let us get beyond this chatter of my feelings. Let me talk about the important subject: my family. My mother, or mom, as I now refer to her, Angeline Fowl, is doing particularly well with her health. The false Spelltropy has no residual effects except for Opal Koboi unknowingly revealing a new world to her that I have attempted to hide from her for so many years. However, she has taken this new concept known as fairies exceptionally well. Mother even wished to see one. Even though I know that the fairy community wouldn't have any disturbances for a while, like all of the previous times after danger was settled, I promised her this.

My father, Artemis Fowl Sr., is doing well as a family man and a business tycoon. His, or should I say, _our_ project to turn the Fowl aircraft eco-friendly has gone excellently as planned. The helicopter, now running on a small battery, has almost no emission, which will help decrease our carbon footprint. We have decreased the number of seats on our private airplane, as we do not welcome any criminal masterminds on the premises or in the vehicles anymore. We have also removed as many of the support struts as possible, but left the ones that were necessary. The scrap metal that was left over was sent to a recycling plant to convert the aluminum into soda cans.

Him returning to my everyday life has gotten easier. He interacts with Mother, Beckett, Myles, and I as if nothing ever happened. Father has began to adapt to his prosthetic leg as if it were real. Aside from his need to relieve the stiffness, it's as if he never lost the limb. This has helped me to merge into life with my family.

Beckett and Myles have easily adapted to me coming home after two years without their older sibling (me). Myles, still referring to me as a 'simple-toon,' has not yet grasped hold of the idea of grammar, although he is able to speak in complete sentences. Beckett is more underdeveloped in the world of language. My brothers have been my students for the few months I have been home. I have attempted to educate them in the way of high-class socialites, which has begun to show.

Christmas is nearing, and I still haven't bought anyone presents. I'm thinking that tomorrow, I would go out with Butler to buy presents. For Mother, perhaps I would get her those jade earrings with a matching necklace. My father would recieve from mr a couple of books on financial gain and the stock market. For Myles I would get him supplies for more experiments with his stuffed animal, Professor Primate. Beckett might get his own special container of his favorite drink: espresso and treacle. This concoction easily energizes him to the point of hyperactivity. I would try and remove the sugar and caffeine so Mother doesn't tire out from Beckett's energy-fueled 28-hour consciousness. Maybe it would be the first time we spent the winter holiday together.


	2. The Blues, An Incognito Captain, And

No More Fairy Business

Chapter Two: The Loneliness Blues, An Incognito Captain, and An Awkward Conversation

**A/N: This chapter is first Holly's P.O.V., next Artemis', and then 3rd person. Please enjoy and review.**

Within moments, I arrived at Police Plaza quickly. I had recieved a call earlier that morning from LEPrecon Commander Trouble Kelp, telling me to quickly come to the LEP offices as discreetly as possible. _This must be _really _urgent,_ I thought as I walked toward Police Plaza. When Julius Root was in charge, I was ordered to come on time, but ASAP was rare in my glory days. Before I knew it, I was in the seat facing Trouble Kelp's desk.

"Captain," he said, taking out certain files, "the time jump you made just days ago had an effect on Haven. Take for example, the Hamburg incident..."

_Hamburg. The biggest blemish on my nearly spotless record._

"...which resulted in a Neutrino blaster being confiscated by a human and several more mindwipes. The weapon has not yet been recovered and more expeditions to find the LEP technology are to be mounted. Plus, there is Mulch Diggums, who..."

_Oh boy. No telling what he squealed._

"...and he told us _everything_ that happened at Rathdown Park, including that kiss with a Mud Boy, or a Mud Man, by the looks of it."

_The kiss. Sometimes, I spend hours on it, judging my action, criticizing it, reliving it in my head over and over._

"Overall, it was a disaster. This is gaining unwanted attention, and I do not like it. Although Haven looks unchanged, it's recent history has left potholes in the proverbial road that is Haven." Commander Kelp put away the files. "Several people would like to get to you. It is because of that I have decided to put you on temporary leave, or vacation. I would say that it would take three months to mindwipe the Haven population, about two months for Foaly to hack every computer and change the records, and one month to clean your file. So six months of being incognito ought to give us time to make it seem like the time jump never happen."

"And this is all because of Opal Koboi?" I had to ask for closure.

"Yes. But many people think it is of your workings. I cannot think of having you move around in public when people are after you. So, I am sending you aboveground to the safest place you could be. I'll give you one gue--"

"Artemis Fowl."

"Indeed. Shall I call him?"

"Sure."

I have finished buying the presents for mother, father, and my siblings. I hid them in a safe which only I knew of. Amazingly, I got the gifts for under the grand total of 1000 Euros. Hopefully, no one misses the ten hundred euros.

At the jewelry store, when I was looking for mother's gift, I saw the perfect necklace for Holly. There were small blue and red gems circled around a diamond. The thin chain was made of gold, how pure it was I didn't know. After the Hybras time jump, she had inherited my left blue eye. The blue was on the necklace. Her red hair was always there whenever I saw her. Red was also on the jewelry. He couldn't figure out where the diamond fit, but the gold fit perfectly with a fiary's love for gold. I was tempted to buy this, but didn't. Butler was there beside me, and we had already chosen Mother's gift. _Besides, Holly wouldn't even want to come over for Christmas-- even if she got a break from LEPrecon._

When we arrived back at the Fowl Manor, I saw a familiar sight: my mom and dad packing up. But what threw it off of familiar is that they were packing for the twins, too. "What's wrong? Do we require relocation?"

My mother smiled at me. "No, Arty, we're taking the twins to spend the Christmas holiday with our relatives."

I pondered a question. "For how long?"

She stood for a moment, thinking for an answer to my question. "About five months, six tops."

My jaw dropped. "I get, no, I _need_ to spend possibly six months skipping around the world visiting my relatives?"

My mother chuckled, but it wasn't appropriate for the time. "No, you silly man. We're taking the twins and we're showing them to all of our relatives. We figured you wouldn't want to come, but you can."

I tried to sound as polite as possible. "Thanks, but, no thanks. I need to do some research."

Mother slightly frowned. "Oh, that's okay, if it's school work, it must be important."

It wasn't for school, but I nodded.

"We'll be gone by 2:00."

That wasn't long from now. "Okay." I hugged my mother, my father, and my twin brothers.

The twins whispered in my ear, "Bye Artemis simple-toon."

I smiled as I let go of them. I waved as I went up the stairs, and that was the last time I saw them.

When I arrived in my room, my 'ring' began to vibrate. I twisted the ring around to my palm and closed my middle fingers. Looking childish for anyone looking through the window, I put my thumb to my ear. "Hello?"

When Artemis heard Holly's voice reply, his heart nearly skipped a beat. "So, you want me to help you in another exciting adventure?"

"No," she replied. "I need somewhere to stay. I'm not safe in Haven. Well, for now, anyway."

Artemis nearly blurted 'Oh, please come here!' But he didn't. Instead he said something else. "Well, you're always welcome to come here. But one question: why aren't you safe in Haven?"

"The time jump to save the lemur."

"Oh. Well, come anytime you want, but if it's today, please come after 2:00 p.m. My family is leaving to visit relatives, and won't be coming back for 6 months."

_Wow, six months,_ she thought. "That's how long I'll need to stay out of Haven."

"Wow, that long in exile? As a person who had once experienced it, I pity you."

"Thanks, Artemis. Send Butler to pick me up at Tara... or... Artemis, Foaly, Mulch, Trouble, and Julius are all dying to find a decent place for Christmas vacation. Do you mind if they come?"

"Not at all."

"Thanks, Artemis. I knew you'd understand." And with that, she hung up.

"Butler?" he called. In moments, his bodyguard was in his room.

"Yes?" he asked.

"At 2:40, prepare to leave for Tara. We have some fairies to pick up."


	3. The Pickup

Barely Passing as Normal

Chapter 3: The Pick Up

**A/N: I am writing this while sick, so please forgive me if I forget to do something. 3rd person. Please R&R. **

**Tara, Ireland**

Before long, Butler and Artemis were on their way to pick up the fairies. "So, Artemis," Butler began, "we're picking up Trouble Kelp, Foaly, Mulch, Julius Root, and Holly?"

"Yes, Butler." Artemis looked outside of the passenger window of the Fowl Bentley. He saw a group of people standing by the road. They were expecting someone. But who would wait for someone in the middle of nowhere? Then, when they were past the group, Artemis said, "Butler, back up. I believe Foaly's genius is showing."

The Eurasian driver backed up to the group. Among them was a smiling genius. Apparently, Foaly had invented a pill for fairies which would temporarily redevelop them as humans. _Simply marvelous,_ he said as Butler opened the doors to the van.

"And you said they wouldn't recognize us," Foaly chuckled as he looked toward Holly. "Although the human pills alter our bodies, our faces mostly stay the same."

Holly sighed. "Well, I could barely recognize Mulch. As a human, he even seems datable." She climbed into the second row of the Bentley.

Mulch winked at Holly. "Any chances of , you know, a get-together... later?" he asked as he sat down next to Holly.

Holly frowned, and swiftly kicked Mulch out of the vehicle with the bottom of her foot. "Not. A. Chance." She allowed Foaly to sit down next to her. The rest fit in the back. After Foaly and closed the door to the back, Butler began to drive back to the Fowl Manor.

"So," Artemis began, "have you ever spent Christmas above the surface?"

A group of noes and nevers were heard.

"Hmm... so I bet you don't understand the concept of the average human Christmas celebration?"

"On the contrary," Trouble Kelp declared. "We actually celebrate Christmas the human way, except with artificial Christmas trees and no 'Santa Claus' hoohaa."

"Oh, good," Artemis sighed.

"Why sigh?" Julius asked, slightly worried about the sigh and what it meant.

Butler answered the question. "Juliet is a Christmas freak."


	4. The Mistletoe

Barely Passing As Normal

Chapter 4: The Mistletoe

**A/N: I've read the reviews; finally, R&Rers! I read one that complained that I'm not using Irish words. Sorry guys, forgive me, I'm American. Please R&R. This chapter has some AFxHS. I think you know why. Artemis' P.O.V.**

Upon arrival at Fowl Manor, they were greeted by Juliet, who was currently wearing a Christmas sweater. She was also informed about the fairies' coming to the mansion. "Hi guys!" she waved, and welcomed us in. She hugged me, followed by Butler. While hugging my bodyguard, she remembered the mistletoe. Juliet looked down to see the victims: Holly... and me.

I followed Juliet's eys to the ceiling. _A mistletoe? Please let there be a man next to me._ Ilooked next to me to find Holly Short. I backed up towards the staircase, but I bumped into something. _Bulging muscles... a suit... Butler._ I turned around to face the Eurasian. "Please, if you have any decency, you'll let me out of here."

"Sorry, Arty, but a mistletoe is a mistletoe. Obey the rules and you'll get something good for Christmas." Butler knew that I didn't care for Christmas presents that much.

Holly had heard the word 'mistletoe.' "Oh boy,"she said, "where is it?" She looked around, and saw it above her head. "Oh dear Frond... who is my fellow victim?"

Juliet pointed to me groveling at Butler's feet. "Mr. Woes-A-Lot."

I was unwillingly helped up and turned to Holly as Foaly began filming this. I began to talk. "I want this quick and simp--"

Holly cut me off. She pulled me in and kissed me. On the lips. I was in shock. Holly had taken the kiss so well. Everyone was staring at her. Realizing the awkwardness, e grabbed her bags and quickly made her way made her way to the guest room. She hadn't known it was next to my room at the time.

Meanwhile, everyone in the foyer was looking at my body which had fell to the floor after I passed out.

--

**(A/N: now from Holly's P.O.V.)**

It had been so obvious. I made it look so easy for me to kiss Artemis Fowl on the lips. This made me think: how was it possible? The possibilities were endless. I could've wanted it to be over it, I could've wanted to see his reaction to something that shocked him, I might like him... wait, like him? No way. Friends, yes, best friends, maybe, but like him? In THAT way? It couldn't be possible. But... the kiss in Rathdown Park... me still looking for him after I thought that he was dead... okay, it's possible, but what are the odds?

After I unpacked, I found my way back downstairs to the living room. I looked around to see the seats, but the only one was next to Artemis on a two-person couch. Half of me was liking this, and half of this wasn't. I sat down on the couch, inching towards the armrest away from Artemis. I heard Juliet talking about what to do for the rest of today.

"What're we going to do today?" Juliet wondered, looking around at the group of people in front of her..

"Snowball fight?" Trouble Kelp suggested this activity. Several people agreed. I remained unmoved by the notion. They all got up and headed towards the backyard. I still remained, slumped down against the armrest, thinking about the mistletoe which had came with its blessings and curses.

Curses: fake revealing or true revealing of a 'thing' between me and Holly; possible future ridicule; possible paranoia from Holly.

Blessings: relieved me, and has almost convinced me that Holly does care about me. Yes, in that way. Another is that I feel like it might be time to talk to Holly about this.

Holly came back to find me unmoved and unchanged. "Coming, Arty?"

_Arty. My mom's pet name for me. Holly had begun to call me this._

I looked up at her. "I'm not one for physical activities," I mumbled as my gaze was averted to the floor.

She pulled me up off of the couch. "I'll help you, Artemis, don't worry."

She lead me to the back door. I stopped her. "I know of something that may be of use to us." I lead her to the closet. I open the door, and disappeared inside of it. Seconds later, I came back out holding two halves of a whiffleball.

"What is that?" Holly asked.

"A whiffleball, a practice baseball for novices in the sport. Juliet broke it in half during practice, and figured that it could be of use one day. Now, it can help us to create a perfect snowball." I let her observe the semi-spheres.

She smiled. "I knew your brains would come into play one time when you didn't need them." We went back outside, our secret weapon hidden.


	5. The Snowball Effect

Barely Passing As Normal

Chapter 5: The Snowball Effect

**A/N: I have recieved way more criticism than back pats. Angel-Jade666 has helped me understand somethings involving Ireland which may or may not help in the future. I have also been noticed for my quick updates. Please R&R, et cetera, et cetera, Arty's POV, more A/H.**

We exited the manor and entered the vast backyard. It was clear that forts were hastily made and snowballs were flying. Holly and I dashed over behind a tree to avoid a wave of snow balls from all directions. The temas where the Butler siblings, Trouble and Foaly, and Root and Mulch.

Holly and I built the sides of the fort on either side of the tree. After Fort Brains and Magic was established, we began the assembly of several snowballs. Juliet's broken whiffleball turned out to be a big helper; about three snowballs per second were made. After we had about one hundred, we began to throw them at the groups nearest to us.

As the snowball fight continued, I saw our opponents dissappear under a blanket of snow. "Holly, get down."

Holly looked at me. "Huh?"

"Get down!" I said, pulling her down behind the fort. Just after she was hidden, a giant snowball rolled off of the small wall and collided with the ground. "One of Butler's special snow attacks."

Holly sat back up. "Thanks, Artemis." She looked over the wall and saw that the groups were beginning to get out from under the snow. "_We_ need a special attack."

I looked over at her. "Are you afraid of heights?"

"Why?" she asked.

"I have an idea for a special attack." I walked over to the tree and interlocked my fingers. "Aerial attack sound good?"

Holly looked up at the tree branch eight feet off of the ground. "Sure." She took a step into my hand, and I helded her up as much I could. "If you can't get up far enough, get on my shoulders." I felt the weight shift from my hand to my shoulders. Then, no more weight was on me, so I collapsed against a tree. Mulch threw a snowball at my head, which had completed my journey to the ground. I sat up and looked back up at Holly, who was asking for snowballs. I hastily created some and tossed them up to her.

In seconds, she incapacitated everyone. We cheered in victory. As she began to climb down, Butler came to, and shot a snowball at Holly. Holly fell. I slid underneath her and caught her in my arms. For a moment, I was hypnotized by her eyes, but in case she came back into reality and punched me, I laid her down behind the wall. Right when I was about to throw a snowball at Fort Bodyguard, I noticed something: the snowballs had stopped being thrown. Cease fire, maybe? I don't know, but everyone is heading inside, and abandoning their forts. Looking to Holly and seeing that she wasn't quite conscious, I picked her up, and headed towards the back door.

We all headed to the living room. Since all of the other seats were taken up, I put Holly down on the couch for two people. I had no where to sit, so I sat against the sofa childishly Indian-style.

"Okay," Foaly began, "we're cold, we're wet, and we haven't decided who has won." He looked around at us. "Who thinks they've won?" No one raised their hand.

Juliet sat up. "Well, there wasn't a point where three teams were out. So we should figure it out by figuring out how many times teams got hit and by who."

Foaly took out a notepad and pencil. "Um... yeah, not a good idea, I can only write Gnommish." None one us argued because Juliet and Butler are unfamiliar with the Gnommish language. He handed the pad and pencil to Juliet.

Juliet began writing down the hits and who hit whom. When it came to us, I spoke up. "We were hit fifteen times, eight by Butler and you, three by Trouble and Foaly, and four by Root and Mulch."

It turned out that Holly and I were the winners by one snowball. "what's the prize?" I asked as Holly came to.

**A/N: Sorry for the wait. I had writer's block. I oughta have the next chapter up soon.**


	6. Pills Can Have AfterEffects

Barely Passing as Normal

Chapter Six: Pills Can Have After-Effects

**A/N: More A/H. Thanks to the loyal reviewers:**

**Holly Marie Fowl**

**Angel-Jade666**

**All other loyal R&R'ers that have been excluded are not prejudiced against. I'm typing on my laptop which has no internet and I can't get on the computer. Artemis' P.O.V.**

Juliet looked over to Artemis. "For the rest of the month, you don't need to pay my salary." I nodded at her. The money that was set aside for her salary would go to her birthday presents.

Trouble looked at Holly. "And you, Holly, once you get back to LEPrecon, I'll get you rights to go up to the surface once in a while. I know you'll love that." She smiled at her commanding officer. Holly would love to see the sunset. I wonder if she would use the rights in another way... no, probably not.

Juliet got up from her seat next to her brother. "Cookies, anyone?" There was a mutual expression of hunger as my female bodyguard waltzed into the kitchen. "They're _special!"_ she called out. I groaned. The cookies must be her Ultimate Christmas Quadriple Chocolate Chunk Chip Cookies. They were almost ALL chocolate. I'll be tasting my toothpaste and the chocolate for days.

Holly looked towards me. "How bad is--"

"_Almost all_ chocolate." I whispered. "It can make a dentist _rich._"

"Wow. I think that I might pass on the cookies."

"You wouldn't want to do that. It'll break her heart. Eat at least a half of a cookie and brush twice before going to bed."

She nooded at me, heeding my advice. Holly sat up and made room for me on the couch. I took the available seat. Conversation remained stagnant until the cookies arrived. Juliet allowed everyone to get a cookie before sitting the plate down on a side table. Holly pretended to get one so I could give her half of mine. I chewed on my half with difficulty. The chocolate chunks were always hard. Holly had an even harder time. We both finished our halves. When everyone finished their cookies, they all desired to brush their teeth.

When our teeth were squeaky clean, Foaly, Mulch, Trouble, and Julius left with Butler to go to Tara. Holly and I stayed behind to help clean up.

**Fowl Manor**

**12:56 A.M.**

I was researching on my computer, as I had told my mother earlier today. Then, I heard a thump, and something vibrating. It came from the room neighboring mine. Holly's room. I ignored the sound, and continued searching the web. Then, I heard another thump. Slightly worried, I tried to keep my mind on my research. Someone opened my bedroom door. I spun around in my chair and clutched the 9mm gun Butler had gotten me a while ago (FOR SAFETY) that was loosely attached to the underside of my desk. I relaxed my grip seeing as it was Holly.

"Artemis... I n-need more b-blankets... n-now..." Holly stuttered. She was in her pajamas, tightly wrapped in a quilt from her bed. After putting my monitor on sleep, I stood up and went outside into the hallway before closing my door. Slowly, I groped around and found a closet. I grabbed two thick blankets, and followed Holly to her room. She sat down in her bedsheets, still wrapped in the quilt. I draped the blankets around her shoulders. I turned to leave the room.

Holly looked at me as I approached the door. "Artemis..." She hesitated, and then continued: "Come back here... I need the warmth."

I blushed a bright red which could not be seen in the dark, fortunately. I figured that since she wasn't cold earlier, it must've been the temporary humanization pills. Yet again, I found my way to her bed, and sat behind her. I hesitantly wrapped my arms around her and shared my body heat. Twenty minutes later, I felt Holly relax in my arms. She fell asleep. Eventually, my eyelids drooped down, and I was soon sleeping along with my best friend.

**A/N: Yes, finally, there is the showing of a couple forming! I wanted to continue this chapter, but I can make another chapter out of it.**

**Thanks again to Holly Marie Fowl and Angel-Jade666 for being loyal R&R'ers.**


	7. Hot cocoa and Tea

Barely Passing as Normal

Chapter Seven: Hot Cocoa and Tea

**A/N: This chapter may not be the best. In fact, it will be the most boring chapter. I can't even think of a good title for the chapter. A bit of A/H in the beginning. Holly's P.O.V. Thanks to Angel-Jade666 and Holly Marie Fowl for reviewing. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Juliet's cookies. Please stop asking me for them.**

**Fowl Manor, Guest Room**

**8:31 A.M**

I woke up slowly. The sun shined through the window as my eyes gradually opened. I felt warmth behind me. It was Artemis, his arms still wrapped around my waist. Actually, you could say it was my chest since I transformed back into an elf overnight.

I slipped out of his embrace and walked to the door. After opening it, and then closing it, I shuffled downstairs to the kitchen, where Juliet had prepared two cups of cocoa and one cup of tea. Juliet said I could have a cup of cocoa, so I graciously took one. We sat down at the massive dining table.

"So," Juliet began, "how was your first day at Fowl Manor?" She took a sip of her cocoa.

"It was good." _Except for the fact that I nearly fell out of a tree and almost froze to death! But_ _Artemis_ _was there to help me, _I thought, downing a mouthful of hot chocolate..

"Excellent," Juliet grinned and sipped more of her cocoa. "Now that we can't do another snowball fight, what should we do?"

"Well, during Christmas, the LEPrecon officers would do Secret Santa events." That was information enough for Juliet to open the seal on her blabbermouth function.

"Oh, awesome! OhmygodwecouldtotallyhavesomuchfunwithitIcan'twait..." She kept on talking as I nodded, pretended to listen, and drink the hot cocoa.

Artemis came downstairs in casual khaki slacks and a white polo shirt. I don't know the name of his shoes. The only type of shoes I know are LEP Army boots. His hair was slghtly disarray. He got his tea and sat down next to me. Artemis looked at Juliet. "You got her excited, didn't you?" he asked before taking a drink of his tea.

I nodded. "She has to stop _sometime _to breathe." Staring at the still-rambling Juliet, I drank more of the cocoa.

"Actually, she can go on like this for quite a while," he commented, drinking more of his tea. "How did you get her excited?"

"Oh, I was telling her about how every Christmas the LEPrecon does a Secret Santa program." I drank more cocoa, an then felt air. No more cocoa.

"Interesting," Artemis said, still downing his tea. "So that's what we're starting today." He put both his and finished off his tea. Artemis took my emer pty cup and put both his and mine in the dishwasher. He walked over to Juliet and waved his hand in front of her face. She paid no attention to it. "Time for drastic measures," he said. Artemis walked outside of the dining hall and walked over to the general direction of a supply closet, but I couldn't tell since I didn't wonder away from Juliet. He re-emerged with duct tape. I was intrigued, wondering what he would do now.

Artemis placed a piece over Juliet's mouth. As quick as he put it on, he ripped it off.

"OW!" yelped Juliet, rubbing the now-tender spot on her lip and chin. "What was that for?"

"You had a moment again." Artemis threw away the piece of tape and put away the roll of tape. "Now begin preparing for the Secret Santa, for our guests are coming early today."

--

Sorry for the wait, my fans. I was distracted by so many things (or... not so... many...)... eh heh...

Anyway, I won't promise the next chapter will be up soon, as today, I am loaded with homework. For the next couple of days, I'll be working on a YouTube video and possibly a Total Drama Island fanfic.

-artemis.fowl.the.fanatic


	8. Secret Santa

Chapter 8: Secret Santa

A/N: I don't care what a Bentley is like, it will have an SUV-like trunk. If it has one, then oops! Too late.

Around 10:00 AM or so, Artemis, Butler, and Holly proceeded to Tara to pick up their fairy friends. Juliet stayed behind in order to puit everyone's name on a piece of paper for the Secret Santa name drawing. Juliet's random hyperactiveness probably was the only thing supplying ideas for the Christmas vacation, and some of the small talk between friends supplied Juliet with her hyperactivity for creating ideas. Luckily, Artemis, Butler, and Holly had to go to Tara because otherwise, they would've had to suffer through Christmas carols and Juliet's off-key singing. Artemis _had_ to be a good host and go. Butler _had_ to drive the Fowl Bentley. Holly _had _to go to tell them how it was like to sleep in Fowl Manor, because it would be stupid to be going to and from Fowl Manor to get on a shuttle two times a day, and they encounter problems everytime they try and get on the shuttle.

They pulled up to the fairy fort at Tara. Artemis, looking out of his rolled-down tinted window in the passenger's seat, saw Trouble jogging toward them. Where were Foaly, Julius, and Mulch? Trouble looked down either side of the road. He waved at whatever was in the shade of the trees to come forward. "Open the trunk," he said hurriedly. Butler did so, seeing that Artemis had pointed at a pixelated distortion in the air, seemingly ushered to the trunk by Mulch, and Julius Root. It was probably Foaly hidden under cam-foil. But why?

After everyone (and their stuff) was in the Fowl Bentley and Butler began to turn around, two hairy hands appeared out from under the cam-foil and yanked it off. It was Foaly, but not Foaly the Human. It was Foaly the centaur. He had lied down on his horse legs and leaned over onto the middle of the backseat between Julius and Trouble. "My own invention fails me," he whinnied. "It lasted only a couple of hours." From the center row of seats in the Fowl Bentley, Mulch sniggered. "It's too good to be true, Foaly."

Foaly snorted after putting about four or five humanization pills in his mouth. "It's too good to be true that I can kick you right out of the window." Mulch grew cool after Foaly's reply. It was true that Mulch was taller and a bit stronger, but he had no ungodly gas power or dirt-chomping ability. Foaly, however, was stronger than his human counterpart and could kick him straight out of the vehicle.

They arrived at the manor a matter of minutes later. Foaly now had the awkward appearance of a faun, but had pulled on a pair of pants before the hair on his lower body disappeared and he became a complete human. Everyone grabbed their bags and followed Artemis and Butler towards Fowl Manor.

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After everyone had been tought the general way around Fowl Manor and which rooms they would stay in, they all sat down in the elegant living room that branched off from the foyer. Juliet had put the slips of paper in one of Mr. Fowl's tophats. "Alright, everyone," she began, "today's activity is based around a Secret Santa event. I've gotten everyone's name written down in English and… Gnon …Gomni …Gnosh…"

"Gnommish, Juliet," Artemis corrected her.

"Yeah, that." She continued. "Everyone's name is in here twice, so everyone ought to get a present, no matter what it is. You'll put the name back in if you already have it or it's yours. We're going to go shopping, and everyone's going to have a partner. We'll go back tomorrow just in case you're your partner's Secret Santa. Artemis is being generous by giving each person three hundred Euros. We're going to be there until four o' clock, so if you have extra time and money, go do anything that you like. So… let's get started."

She passed the tophat around so everyone could get their two names. Artemis got Foaly and Holly. Holly got Artemis and Foaly. Trouble got Holly and Juliet. Foaly got Artemis and Trouble. Mulch got Trouble and Julius Root. Julius got Mulch and Butler. Butler got Juliet and Julius. Juliet got Butler and Mulch. After the money was distributed, a quick brunch of salads was eaten before they piled back into the Bentley to go to the mall.


End file.
